So I got this invitation to a party the other day. I would have told you about it sooner, but I didn’t want a lot of uninvited people showing up. The weirdest thing though, the person throwing it was dead. Was this stuff sent like, before their death or what? The post mark was after the ninja star accident, so I decided to go to find out. Maybe they faked it and are having an "I'm still living party." Perhaps she became a zombie or some other member of the undead and wanted to celebrate their new found immortality and feast on the guests.
When I arrived, I was really embarrassed at first. Everyone was dressed up, apparently this was a high class kind of deal. Odd given the party thrower's complete lack of class. Luckily I had a pretty cool sweater in the car, so I was able to pull off the "cool guy casual look." The catering wasn’t too good; I saw a huge line and figured the box at the end was where the food was kept. Probably a cooler or something filled with drinks. I started having a bad feeling with all the tears people had when they walked away. None of them had drinks either and I was starting worry the box was filled with Diet Rite. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry if that was the case.
Upon reaching my turn, I looked into the box and what did I see? A dead body! What kind of party was this? I was freakin’ out. Everyone was lining up to see this chick decked out and dead. Her mother noticed me totally losing it and pulled my head into her breasts, I’m not really sure why. Generally I wouldn’t mind, but this lady was doing this in front of her dead daughter and decided to throw it a party. She knew I was a poet and asked me to say something to the crowd.
So I walked up front and looked at everyone and this is what I said. “What is going on here people? There is a dead body in that box over there. A dead freakin’ body! Why is everyone dressed up for this? What, are you afraid of the being outdone by a corpse? I’ve noticed she looks way younger than she did when she was alive. So everyone decided they had to dress extra nice in order to compete? What, no one wants to remember those years or something? I mean, come on people, there’s a dead body in the room and you’re trying to out dress it! What, are you afraid someone may leave you for it? News flash, you don’t want to date someone into decaying shells! At least put it in the ground or something. We can’t just leave dead bodies all over the place as if it’s last week’s fad. Those things need to be disposed of otherwise we’re going to end up with another black plague or something."
At that point, I left. This was one party I didn’t want to stay with. By the outrage in everyone’s eyes, I think they agreed with me. This was one stupid idea of a party.
# posted by MaximumTacolord @ 9:31 PM
